Living as a foreigner

• Enjoying Father's day – in the rain and sun – the great Pacific Northwest! #
• Bring a smile and see the world change. #
• Not getting anything done – waylaid by interruptions… #
• Still at work… working 318% more than normal…. #
• Just left the office – off to a date with my bride and daughter! Then relax! #
• Ug, we're being audited on our 2007 taxes #
• Fairly normal day today – actually feels like Wednesday not Thursday or Friday.. #
• I want a hair cut – short – but good #
• Need food, need to go home, but love these peeps! #
• Going to need some strong coffee this morning! #
• My croissant just got burnt to a crisp darn phone calls. #
• Trying to think of something smart to tweet… because the croissant ordeal is so over with… #
• My phone is jacked up, txt messages are not working, I can receive but can't send – it takes about 60 second for one character to show #
• Pause, and think about seeing the person you're talking through God's eyes, what would he like to say? #
• Is REALLY missing Poland and Europe!! Very badly! #

It seems that the only time I have to write on here, that wouldn't be taking away from something more important is when I'm on the MAX (Protlands light rail). The past months have been full of a lot of preasure, after $1200 in dental bills and someother misc unexpected costs our savings is drained, and the pay cut I took at my new job is painfull. However I would not trade this job for my old one, a place with vision and growth is amazing.
However the reality that we are always short and the idea of buying a place build up to preasure that is far beyond any financial whole I have ever been in. It's not that we are starving, but when the gas in the cars run out and I know there isn't any money to fill it, things in my head begin to freak out.

God's hand has always been on our finances, and we always live through this, but for whatever reason this season is amounting to more than I can handle. Add on top of the finances everything else we do, which are very fufilling but with our own concerns we are drained. We've begun cutting some things from our schedule, which is frustrating but good. Our budget is cut down to the last penny, so I 'spose our time will be too.

In the end I'm really feeling attacked on the financial side. We made all the "right" choices, had a very good savings, we were paying everything and saving even on the new salary. Then it seems everything hit us at once – and now our extra bills are higher then what we were putting into savings. The math doesn't work. God has shown us over and over this kind of math, and he has always made it work. This just hasn't happened in our personal finances, just on our mission trips.

And then over the weekend we got a notice from the IRS To audit our 2007 taxes. I'm afraid that because of not knowing we would receive a 1099 that year on our missions contributions we will end up paying taxes on it, even though we have all the invoices for traveling – it doesn't matter because the missions org we went through does not tell us how to use the money – they are only a clearing house for the funds and it's up to us to spend it and pay taxes on it. This is the last straw for me. I'm burnt out about the money.

Along with all of that is tons and tons of paper work. Now I know there will be comments on this, just please know that I am fully aware of what God can do. So this written because I'm simply processing it, not because I don't know what to do. I am waiting on the Lord and fighting the enemy's lies. The feelings and fight are intense though but thankfully my security is knowing God's character – and I pray that I'll be able to post how God took care of it all and show everyone his love and glory, and encourage others to trust in him!

• Really loves all our friends – and means it. #
• Another day to ponder the things of the universe. #
• Just finished a great dinner with great co-workers and so Thankful to God for all of them – God's heart? I know so! #
• Content. Good night. #
• Late night = late start – ug. #
• again, so much to say, and I feel filtered… hmm. #
• Happy Birthday Jenise! #
• If I'm not brought to a point of worship each day, I'm not sure the day had purpose! #
• meeting after meeting, and all the normal workload – still good! #
• My walk with God is not dependant on my ideas, it is only dependant on where I choose to encounter Him. #
• Well, it's official I work for Oregon's number fastest growing provate company! #
• Smarsh is the number one fastest growing private company in Oregon! and I work there! (and it's awesome to work for!) #
• What part does/should the Christian community play in "green" initiatives? #
• Worship and fellowship – it doesn't get any better. Big father's day bash at East Hill this weekend – W00t! #

• Having one of the most ridiculous time waking up. #
• Having one of the most ridiculous times waking up. #
• Can't get past "feel like I just woke up". #
• Lots of new accounts to setup today – yay. #
• TIME + GOD + FAMILY + FRIENDS + PASSIONS + "MINISTRY" + "CAREER" = LIFE w/o limits and beyond measure. #
• Um… just killedd two fleas on the MAX… not cool. #
• Just killed my third flea on the MAX – not good! #
• The constaraints of time seem to suck the life out. #
• Another day, a new day, let the games begin. #
• Meetings, meetings, meetings – but all my work is done – and hopefully today I don't get on a flea infested MAX train. #
• Crud, something wrong with a train ahead of us… ug.. but no fleas! #
• Moving again – woop woop. Next: Meeting #
• Why do I do these silly updates? Bored?? I din't know. #
• You know I have a lot to say – just not the time to write it out. #
• Thinking about the crazy hurts, needs, and sadness people have. #
• Crazy messy God. #
• How do we engage others with compassion? Do you/I actually engage? Do we truly care? #

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about my current walk with God – and my current assesment is that God is messy, but that’s because he’s dealing with messy people.  There is so much jacked up stuff in this world, and for me, the picture just keeps growing and getting bigger and bigger.  My heart is overwhelmed by the mess.  The only thing that keeps me going is worshipping God, allowing him to show me his love, and with every love encounter with him I can not do anything but worship him.

There is a lot I could write about, so much, so many people and things that are a burden right now.  None of it is “bad”, it’s all just big, messy, and hard to deal with.  This messy God, is a great and amazing God, and for whatever reason, this is a season of learning all about what he sees, and it isn’t all good- it’s heart wrenching.  Yet, knowing these things, feeling what I believe he feels, humbles me to the point of nearly constant prayer and worship.  My feelings and emotions are raw, and they are hard to explain, I feel sad, angry, and overwhelmed with love all at the same time.

• Played a little with Emma, finished up our part of our ministry license application, and now I am studying Polish. #
• If what I do, does not lead someone into a clear choice (their own choice) to worship God – then I am not doing my job as a Christian. #
• Wake up, rise o’ sleeper. #
• I’m already feeling warm, the AC better kick in soon. #
• Ah the fresh smell of rain on a really warm day. #
• Snap! I left my keys at work! Lame. Alexis is rescuing me. #
• Self discipline is the hardest part of any walk with Jesus – my flesh screams to disobey. #
• Seizing the down time… #
• Bed time tweeps, tomororw is a new day, reboot. #
• Nothing much to say – lunch time – Smacznego! #
• Having a passion attack. Would’ve said heart attack, but didn’t ring how I wanted. #
• UG. So much going on! And I don’t mean just in my life – seems like many are just heavy with stuff. #
• I want to go shirt shopping, so many sweet shirts, but not enough $$! I don’t like most of what’s in my closet – yeah so important I know.. #
• I should not be taking this long to complete my tasks… grrr – distractions, distractions, important ones, but none the less. #
• Weekend: The Forge Young Adults retreat: Amazing Race: Blue Team #

• A simply brutal morning…. #
• is aprehensive over having my wisdom teeth taken out on Thursday :*( – add the $$ and I really don’t want to. #
• just realized I’m speaking on Thursday, don’t think having my wisdom teeth taken the same day is good. #
• double crud, speaking thursday and on worship team for the weekend… nope wisdom teeth can stay put for now. #
• this morning is a little less brutal, but not normal. #
• contemplating a lot, decisions, decisions. #
• Life is complex, but the complexities are what make it beautiful. #
• See you East Hill young peeps at the Forge tonight, 7pm YC-West. #
• Life, share it or destroy it. #
• I really wish I could hear people’s silent thoughts… that would take people watching to a whole new level. #
• Oh where to go have beverages on a nice Friday??? #
• Just finished re-crafting our missions budget for the 3rd time- so happy to be finished with it. #
• Ready to worship God w/ @easthillfamily #
• Ready to worship God w/ @easthillfamily, and going to enjoy it! #
• Sitting in my living room. While Alexis helps @bkraft2012 and Becky plan their wedding…. #

• sometimes it’s just easier to set my sights on heaven and the reality that is coming. #
• The sun is SO distracting . #
• Ready to enjoy the ride home in the sun. #
• Time to add more music to my phone again. #
• Today’s maddness: Mr. Whiney who doesn’t understand email at all, guy with a “BOB” server, and lady who wants details that are impossible. #
• I think I’m beginning to find the joy in long suffering! #
• Can I be “seeker sensitive”, openly Jesus focused, and relavent to all? #
• \o/ <– me tonight. #
• A whole lotta talking, and not a lotta of doing – or is the talking today’s doing? #
• This is one of those days where the time flies! And nothing significant has been accomplished #
• almost… outta here… #
• and I’m outta here- wish us luck on the I5 jungle going north. Pike place, alkai, and maybe Golden Gardens! #
• at the Seattle folk life festival! #
• had some Chinese food and went bowling with friends we wish we could live closer and enjoy more time with! #

The following has been written on the go from my phone, please excuse typos, spelling, and grammar.

So I have been thinking a lot lately about what “outreach” or “evangelism” looks like, mostly what it looks like here in my current world (the Poland stuff is eventually on it’s way, but we’re forced to lean on God for that). Here we (believers from here) are able to move around fairly well without leaning on God for much. Our basic needs are easily met, and most of all we “fit” and understand what’s going on around us.

So with that said, how do we be relavent, “seeker sensitive”, and Jesus focused? Firstly I don’t think we need to be sensitive to “seekers” as long as we are being and doing what Jesus highlighted – grace, mercy, forgiveness, and love. A seeker is going to be attracted to that, that’s what draws most people to Jesus. I believe we can utilize media, web, etc but we should not be attempting to mimic the secular media just because it “works” for them. I seriously grieve at things like “god tube” and facebook style sites for “christians”, the heart is good, but the segregation is what will kill the church. Jesus didn’t tell the disciples to huddle and segregate, nope, he said go, into the world and make disciples.

And then we have the other side of the spectrum, the ultra sensitive. The ones that sometimes are almost no different looking in their life then anyone else, except for maybe a tatoo or a few less beers when with their peeps. This side does a better job at relating with all people, and accepting people too. Yet, in my observance the desire to be approved and accepted by all, often leads to violations of the truth and when hard times come, the power of God lacks in being the driving force behind decisions.

There ought to be a happy medium, or should there? I myself am beginning to lean on a amazing concept – leaning on God’s spirit in me to drive my relationships, decisions, and not ideals of some evangelistic “style”. I’m in my infancy, and still struggle with whether or not I’ll be accepted or rejected… which isn’t mine nor yours to fear, but it’s freeing. God actually knows what he’s doing… imagine that.

So what are you going to lean on? Your own understanding? Or his? It’s scary – but he is so graceful!

• today: Slept in, church, Mother’s day outing, wedding. #
• today, work, and date w/ my bride at ikea… #
• Date night – Good, Ikea – Good, new curtains to replace the ones I shrunk! Still nothing for the small window in our bedroom, 3 years now #
• Workin’ – coffee w/ someone today- maybe… small group #
• Surely need coffee, most surely #
• Got coffee (thanks to the sbux machine in the office) – now to tie up the loose ends for the day. #
• I’m getting better at this catching the train thing – instead of missing it, I run & almost miss it. #
• There’s nothing like worship music to keep the enemy away. #
• Do you think that if I continue to dress like it’s warm I can intice warm weather? #
• Twitter is distracting… #
• Is so in love with Alexis and doesn’t know how to show it sometimes! #
• To date I have completed 318 implementations… and completed 902 tickets (318 include setups). #
• I think it’s working – the weather is quite nice right now. #
• My co-workers are watching, on both sides of me w/ about a 1 sec difference between them: http://is.gd/zVId #
• BTW – LOST last night was wild. #
• FORGE tonight East Hill Church – 7pm – Encouner God differently #
• feeling like a drone today – don’t know if coffee can help this. #
• and so… this weekend is looking pretty darn full – blah. #
• at the park, enjoying the sun, my bride, and Emma #