No small talk

One would hope that after being on this planet for nearly 30 years I would be comfortable being myself… but for whatever reasons stupid insecurities still creep up, and it drives me fricken crazy.  It’s always silly stuff too, but I realize it’s always the things that haunted me as a grade schooler as well… the same feelings.  So, I can either just accept this, as part of who I am and really just be okay with it, or I can continue to be distracted and held back by it.

I want to just be ok, but it’s a matter of retraining my head to match my heart, and both of them to match reality/truth – no one really cares about the things that I feel embarrassed/insecure about.  It’s ok!  The thoughts in my head are always whispering about what people think of me… and I’m here to say the truth – people like me!  It’s been hard enough to get where I am, I don’t need to keep on “working” at it.  This is one thing that I think I’m okay with saying “I’ve arrived” – now get off the plane and see reality for what it’s always been.

After yesterday’s little post about small talk, I think I might change the name of this blog… while “Living as a foreigner” has obvious meaning… well obvious to the Bible peeps… it doesn’t really reflect what I want this blog to be about.  Looking at some of my first years I noticed this blog was about me… what a concept… a “Web Log” about the author!  Somewhere along the lines I got distracted, sorry.

So, I’m trying to decide between the original name “Food for fish” (when I used Blogger “fishfood.blogspot.com” was taken, so I took “foodforfish.blogspot.com”) – but I’m kind of leaning towards “I hate small talk… and food for fish” – just thinking.

This post isn’t prompted by anything, well I guess it kind of is, but nothing specific, and not b/c of any recent conversation.  One of the reasons I have not been posting as often, is the thought that I need to entertain, write something very interesting, or I have such a passionate thing to write but feel like no one really cares… all of this is just my stupid performance complex, and it doesn’t really matter.  I like to write, I like to talk about all kinds of things, but I don’t like small talk.  I don’t like conversations that have sentences ending with “um yeah”, or “anyways”, or “and so, yeah, how about them Mariners?”

Life means a lot to me, yet I don’t really talk about why so much these days… except with the “safe” people at Church, but so many of “them” are to busy doing something to actually go beyond small talk.  So I end up not being satisfied with many of my conversations… but I don’t blame anyone, a little bit of my self, but I know I’m only human so I don’t beat myself up too badly.  Well enough of this small talk, let’s move forward, ok?

• On the train back to Krakòw, had a fantastic time in Wrocław! http://twitpic.com/zp89j #
• Well, it's currently -5 degrees F (-20 C), thankfully we are warm in our flat, earlier was another story (being outside, not recommended) #
• We're all packed up, taxi will be here at 5am, plane to Warsaw at 6, then layover, and at noon CET we fly back to Chicago, then PDX. #
• At the Warsaw airport, hope we are not delayed! http://twitpic.com/104mkt #
• Plane delayed by an hour, hope we can still make our connection in Chicago! #
• Yahoo! We're boarding! Might make the connection, it's tight though! #
• Back in the USA, flight was late so we missed our connection, but United Airlines automatically confirmed us on the next flight, go #United! #
• Next stop PDX. #
• Feels like the Bahamas in Portland, 8 C/47 F, ride to work on MAX – normal. Laughed at the Old Town stop, Old City of Krakòw born circa 1200 #
• Jet lag + 10.5 hours at work = cranky zombie #
• I get all week with just Emma and I… looking forward to it, and keeping a good attitude! #
• I'm worthless trying to make food on my own… at least I fed Emma! I have my lunch planned and dinner too! Yes I'm a big boy now! #

• So far we've only found one radio station in Krakòw which plays something other than dance or techno music. #
• At a mall catching a little WiFi. http://twitpic.com/yxjf3 #
• Goodnight, dobranoc, from Krakòw. Full day ahead tomorrow. #
• The living room and dining area in our rented flat, at night. Just. Finished studying a lot of Polish, brains fried! http://twitpic.com/yzc #
• The living room and dining area in our rented flat, at night. Goodnight! http://twitpic.com/yzc #
• In Wrocław and it is 3 degrees Fahrenheit, and windy, um cold? Yes! But the sun was out and made the city look fantastic! #
• The view from our host family's flat: http://twitpic.com/zj234 , http://twitpic.com/zj278 , http://twitpic.com/zj28r #

• Bye bye Seattle! Finally on our way home! #
• Just finished reading "a thousand splendid suns" – a must read! An amazingly moving story! Now what to read for next week's plane trip? #
• I need a "make me feel energized, well rested, and cought up" shot, drink, pill, or something. #
• RT @fox12oregon: Video from TriMet shows man fall off platform, lay on tracks under MAX train as it passes. http://bit.ly/52EWvS #
• Mmmm power out in our office building and 25 percent of downtown PDX not good! http://twitpic.com/x2ada #
• Still no power at 10th and stark, Pittock Building in blackness… @MayorSamAdams #PDX Update??? #
• Wow, time flies when your forced to work in a strange environment, a different computer, and have generators blaring. #
• Back to normal and with full power! #
• Oh view how I missed you. http://twitpic.com/x3yrz #
• Um, I missed the memo… what's with all these peeps posting the name of colors all over the social-sphere? #
• Ok creepy older guy and hot shot young guy stop trying to hit on the girl who just told you she's in high school! And stop competing! #trime #
• First the creeps on the bus, and now my oatmeal exploded in the microwave #
• Working on the equivalent of our TPS report… At least it has a point! #
• Okay dude who is shining powerful green laser light onto our neighbors across the way, not cool! #
• It is done! Now we go! Teraz idziemy! #
• This thing is freaking unbelievable! RT @spoon16: Airnergy WiFi power system gives RCA a reason to exist (video) http://bit.ly/7xK6Zq #
• Good night world! #
• A little chill time, some planning, last minute emails, all we have to pack are the bathroom things, then in the morning we fly out! #
• Ready to go! On the plane! http://twitpic.com/xoam4 #
• On the trainat Chicago. http://twitpic.com/xpfpu #
• Plane number 2 to Krakòw, one tired girl, one hot mamma http://twitpic.com/xpynu #
• We are here! So far no WiFi, just my phone and a prepaid phone card that at least has some internet access, but not much. #
• In Nowy Targ 2 hours south of Krakòw. http://twitpic.com/ybpij #
• Wow do you think he's cold!? http://twitpic.com/ybps3 #
• Our friend Krzysziek and Narnia (well sorta), near Nowy Targ. http://twitpic.com/ybqxb #

• The end of vacation… #
• Working remotely in Seattle this week, then New Years in Seattle – fun! #
• It's snowing in Portland, notta here in Seattle. #
• It's very hard to work when Emma wont' stop yelling "DADDY!!!" Hence why I'm still working until 7pm… It's all good though! #
• Happy New Year from Seattle! #
• New years at the space needle! http://twitpic.com/w703u #
• Emma likes music and found the headphones! http://twitpic.com/wa7rb #

This caught my eye while browsing my blog/news subscriptions today and so I thought I’d share it:

Shared by TravisM

I feel the same way – social justice is fantastic, great, wonderful. But as soon as we begin to talk about creating communities (churches) to cultivate these ideas and fellowship with Jesus – then the sexiness goes away…

Poland missions… not sexy. It’s not Africa, it’s not China, it’s not social justice (although it will be cultivated), and it’s not tangibly building church buildings… so what is it?? That’s a blog post to come.

In the mean time read about Soul City Church, b/c those ideals are ideals that I (and Alexis) certainly have in common. And give you feel lead, we’re all about expanding all part of the Church world wide.

Here’s the deal.
Social Justice is sexy.
Just ask GAP, Bono, Angelina, and the slew of others who have decided to give back.
I am all about the sexiness because it opens peoples eyes to the needs of this world.
Giving to help children across the world makes peoples hearts full.
And it should.
I sponsor 3 kids through Compassion International and their lives are changing every day.

What isn’t sexy?
Giving to a church in downtown Chicago who will soon preach a story of transformation to the hustlers that live there.
So I’m going to simply ask.
Would you pray about giving to my new church?
Soul City Church
We are slowly trickling into the city of Chicago over the next few months and need all the help we can get.
No it’s not sexy.
But it is a need and I’m not ashamed to ask on behalf of my church family that you pray and if you feel led…
Give Here.
10 bucks. 25 bucks. Whatever you have.

Thanks Ragamuffins for contributing to lives changed in the city of Chicago
Los

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Read all of my Google Reader shared items

This caught my eye while browsing my blog/news subscriptions today and so I thought I’d share it:

Click here for the original and full post

Read all of my Google Reader shared items

• On our way, there are still some surprises! #
• On the train! Amtrak isn't so bad, quite relaxing, next stop is ours! Food is good, albeit a little spendy. #
• Having fun, little blurry. They even have Christmas lights! http://twitpic.com/ufzsu #
• We are here and ready to have vacation! #
• Having fun! It is snowing too! And I got my hat I've been looking for since the freeze a few weeks back. #
• Taking a picture of Alexis taking a picture. http://twitpic.com/ujo3v #
• Alexis found a friend along the way. http://twitpic.com/ujov3 #
• Leavenworth at night http://twitpic.com/ur07n #
• More Leavenworth at night http://twitpic.com/ur0id #